Navigating Hip Dysphoria
A few years ago, the puberty fairy came to visit me and decided she was going to be generous: she was going to give me a nice wide pair of hips! "A pelvis made for childbirth," as my father used to say. On top of that, whenever I gain weight, that's where it tends to settle.
Needless to say, this has been a major source of gender dysphoria for me! I know I'm far from the only person in the community who feels uncomfortable with the shape of their iliac bones, and it affects my self-confidence both in everyday life and in intimate moments. Don't worry though, with time, I found ways to draw less attention to my hips and to keep this aspect of my anatomy from occupying so much space in my mind.
In Intimacy
One moment when I feel most vulnerable is, unsurprisingly, when I find myself naked in front of another person, even if that person is my boyfriend, with whom I've shared my life for years. In those moments, I feel as though my proportions are completely exaggerated and my hips are soooooo wide (with several "o's" because that's exactly how it feels)!
The further I progressed in my transition, the more I realized that traditional strap-on harnesses caused me incredible dysphoria. First, you literally have to put tenderness on pause to put on the harness while THE OTHER PERSON IS WATCHING YOU! That's how to stop feeling sexy in two seconds flat.
In my case, if my fiancé had worn it before me, I always had to loosen the straps to the maximum just to squeeze my hips and thighs into it with great difficulty. We'd spend two awkward minutes adjusting everything while standing completely naked with sensual music playing in the background. Not exactly the mood.
On top of that, these harnesses are primarily designed to be worn by cis women and tend to emphasize curves which is basically my nightmare.
Eventually, I had enough and made a hand-made harness boxer myself by sewing an O-ring into a pair of underwear. Let's just say the result looked a little Frankenstein-like, but it helped for a while. Then I finally got myself a pair of Play Boxer Coconuts, and it was a complete game changer! We even ordered a second pair for my boyfriend, who also wanted to feel less dysphoric.
The Coconuts are comfortable and can be pulled on in one smooth motion. Gone are the "stunt performer strapping on his harness" interruptions in the middle of intimacy! On top of that, the elastic waistband sits higher than the hips, helping to camouflage them. Black is also known for minimizing shapes and gives the underwear a sexy look.
The prosthetic stays secure during use and, unlike traditional strap-on harnesses, still allows access to the wearer's body for genital stimulation. This makes penetration or vibration stimulation possible using Banana Prosthetics' different sensation plugs (see the article on dysphoria and intimacy for more information).
In short, when it comes to sexuality, I feel much better about my hips since switching to the Coconuts harness boxer, and my fiancé felt the same way after getting his own pair. It's now an essential part of intimacy for us whenever we're looking for closeness and affection.
Everyday Underwear
Since the beginning of my transition and even before coming out as trans, boxers have been an incredible gender-affirming tool. A small source of comfort when getting dressed, undressed, or even simply going to the bathroom. Over time, I discovered which aspects of underwear help me notice my hips less.
**All bodies are different, and these tips won't work equally well for everyone! Experimentation is key to finding what works for you.
Height: Many underwear styles designed for cis women are made to sit mid-hip in order to highlight curves and avoid peeking above low-rise pants. In our case, we're usually looking for underwear with an elastic waistband that sits higher above the hip bone and somewhere between the hips and the belly button.
By covering the entire pelvic area, the width becomes less noticeable because the eye is drawn upward to the height of the waistband instead.
The Elastic Waistband: Rather than a thin lace band, we're looking for a wide elastic waistband, like the one found on the Coconuts line, for example. Visually, it creates a clearer distinction between the abdomen and the lower stomach rather than between the hips and the lower stomach.
This even works surprisingly well with a jockstrap despite the minimal coverage. A wider waistband also offers better support (assuming you're wearing the right size, of course) and helps prevent the underwear from constantly sliding down.
Colors and Patterns: Patterns are your friends when it comes to creating the perfect hip camouflage! Complex and colorful designs draw attention to the fabric rather than the body's shape. It's also genuinely enjoyable to shop for clothing that you find beautiful and that represents you well.
For solid-colored underwear, darker shades such as black, navy blue, or khaki help soften the appearance of hip curves. The Coconuts Packing Boxer is a great example of this.
Bonus tip: if you'd like a brighter or more vibrant color, look for a contrasting waistband. For example, red underwear with a white waistband! The visual separation between body areas becomes more defined.
Plenty of Tricks
These are some of the different things I use to feel better about my hips and reduce my dysphoria. There are still countless other things that can help! The important thing is finding what feels right for you.
We're all different, and each of us has our own relationship with our body and appearance. You can try my tips, adapt them, or create your own path entirely.
And over time, we often learn to be a little kinder to ourselves and to accept our physical appearance more fully. The journey can be long, but it is far from impossible.
Happy exploring! If you decide to make a purchase, feel free to use my promo code for 10% off: TRANSBIGBRO10
Text written by@trans_big_brother
(check out here his content on Instagram, you won't be disappointed!)
